Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Scarlett Johansson Shows Off Ring, Drops It Down Sewer

New York - May 6th - Just minutes after allowing photographers to take snapshots of her new diamond ring, received in her engagement to Ryan Reynolds, Scarlett Johansson accidentally dropped it down a sewer opening in the street.

At the corner of 5th Avenue and 82nd street, the actress was posing for photographs, and suddenly the ring slid off her finger, onto the street, and down a sewer.

The 23-year-old had announced the engagement earlier in the day, and was showing it off at the Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Johansson proceeded to scream expletives, make manic calls on her cell phone, and kick Ryan Reynolds, according to witnesses.

It was during this time, according to information corroborated from various reports, that several photographers ripped open the sewer grating. One man, with camera in hand, jumped in head first, while the others waited. Unaccountable reports say two more photographers entered the sewer when the other didn't respond after several minutes.

Both Scarlet Johansson's publicists and the NYPD deny that the ring had fallen into the sewer.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Miley Cyrus on Picture Poses: It Wasn't Me.

Los Angeles - May 1st - In an unrelated interview somewhere in Los Angeles last night, in which she was questioned about her recent appearance in provocative photographs, Miley Cyrus responded by denying that it was in fact her and father Billy Ray Cyrus in the pictures.

"It wasn't me," she shouted, "I wish everyone would stop saying that it was, damn it!"

When once again asked, at an undisclosed location, whether she thought it was the right idea to have the photographs taken, she said, "I said it wasn't me. It wasn't me, and it wasn't my dad!" Miley Cyrus then swung around, flung her arms up once, and then stomped into a room and slammed the door.

She was once again asked about the matter, to which almost immediately there was a loud bang against the door.

A few minutes later. "Miley… Why did you do it," the questioner asked.

There was complete silence. The seconds ticked, slower and slower. Then the doorknob turned, slowly at first, but then the door swung violently open. A young teenage girl stood there with a tremendous load. It's volume spoke its tenacity. The young star proceeded forward with the bazooka, and the questioner turned and ran for his life. Once out the door, he heard an explosion, and ran faster. At the next, he ran faster still, wondering what his true limit was. For a while, well into the night, he ran, until he could be sure there was no danger. Realizing he was on the other side of town now, the exhausted questioner scanned the unfamiliar territory for transportation options. But first, he stopped to catch his breath. When he looked up, there she was. "So long, sucker."